Regret

Victoria,

Cider House Rules is on and I thought of you. I've been meaning to write this for a long time and never had the courage to face everything. I think of that as our movie. We weren't actually together then, in a formal declared sort of way, but we knew what was happening as we sat together inching closer in the darkened depths of the theatre. I still remember with viceral certainty how I ached to be near you. A lot of things are that way for me now. They remind me of you and I'm sad, and angry...with myself. I can't help but think I made a the greatest mistake I will ever make in life in leaving you. If you were reading this I know what you'd say, "You just say that because you're sad and lonely now but once you find someone you'll be fine and you won't think of me." And you may be right, but after almost 4 years of thinking about you, I don't think it's true anymore.

I was so sure of so much and I never gave you credit or didn't realize all the things you were right about. You were right that no one would ever love me as much as you did. You were right I'd regret it. It's funny how I compare them all to you. She's not as smart, she's not as pretty, she just isn't you. I don't date now. I haven't had a any kind of relationship in about 3 and a half years and I don't see it happening any time soon. I've given up and it's very sad because everything I've done to this point was to prepare for a family and the irony is a steely cold unhealing wound yet to scar and fade. I don't think it will.

We were so different but that's what made us so perfect for each other. It's an oversimplification of the delicate complexity of you to say you were the artsy one, the cultured accepting understanding one. The beautifully graceful supportive one. The quietly intelligent striving one. The selfless, giving, caring one.

Please don't misunderstand this for solely melancholy self-pity, though it is that, it's more. I want to acknowledge how wonderful you are and how sorry I am that I hurt you. I know it wouldn't matter to you now. You've been married for some time and it didn't take long after we parted for you to move on. You probably have kids. I called you a few months after we broke up and you said you were happy and I genuinely hoped you were and still are happy. I heard you left teaching a couple of years ago and I was very sad. I never got to be there for you to help you through that. It must have been very hard but I hope you found what you were destined for.

You are very special and I will always love you.
Aaron

Tim Russert - A Media Great

I'm not one to get wrapped up in celebrity. I don't particularly care who is in rehab, who is dating who, and what causes they support. I can, however, recognize a person whose intelligence and dedication to their craft has helped me personally better understand this world.

Tim Russert passed away today of a heart attack and my Sundays will not be the same without him. I would look forward to Sundays at 11:00 am and would schedule around that 1 hour block because I so valued Mr. Russert's political roundtable take on issues, his direct questions, and his devotion to reporting the truth. He asked tough questions but he was always respectful to his guests, some of the most powerful people in the world.

He didn't spin stories, he wove them. He will be missed.

75 Skills Every Man Should Master

I catch of glimpse of these Maxim-esque articles every time I sign out of my hotmail account. Sometimes I check them out, most of the time not. This one sounded interesting though and it was. Check it out

Here are a couple of my favorites:
- Give advice that matters in one sentence

- Throw a punch

- Play gin with an old guy

Which ones did you like?

Superstar!

This is not going to become a link site to my videos but I just learned and posted the Sonic Youth version of The Carpenters Superstar. I think it came out pretty good actually.

Apologize - One Republic

I like this song a lot. Which is why it is curious I would do it such a disservice.

Amazing Grace

Trying my mettle once again at the guitar. Yes, I butchered a song of God. That's why I didn't show my face, so he won't know who it is. ;)

If you have huge hands and no coffee table...

Check out this gigantic NES Controller. Sweet.

What happened to you Starbucks?

Once you were my dark and bold mistress but as of late you taste more like a slightly stronger version of Dunkin Donuts. That's supposed to be an insult. Sorry DD lovers but it's true. I'm not one those pretentious half-caf no foam $8 latte drinkers. (Not all latte drinkers are pretentious of course, but they know who they are.) I drink regular coffee and I like it as strong as I can get it but just after Starbucks shutdown their stores to meet with their baristas (It pains me to use that name. Maybe I should say cashier or cook.) their coffee suddenly got noticeably weaker. The change was so abrupt and the contrast so stark I can't believe I can't find anyone talking about this. The conversation is all about Slutbucks (see video)!


Has anyone else noticed this or heard why this happened? I'm guessing it's to save money. I still love Starbucks though. I had one of their eggs florentine breakfast sandwiches yesterday and it was great. That and a venti (large) coffee for $5 is still pretty good in my book. Just wish the coffee was stronger. Thoughts?

Watching you watch me watch you watching

I finally broke down and got a webcam. I may work in IT but it seems I'm the last one to get one of these. I was watching a video of someone covering Mike Ness's version of Don't Think Twice and thought 'I can do better than that.' Well, it turns out I can't, but I posted the video anyway. Let me know what you think!

Watching myself and, more to the point, listening to myself was an eerie experience. I kept thinking 'I don't sound like that!' Unfortunately, I was wrong and I do. It also made me appreciate those people who sound great that much more!

I was very impressed with the how the quality of webcam videos and pictures have improved since the first generation devices. I read several reviews of webcams and settled on the Logitech QuickCam Pro 9000. It was consistently one of the highest rated webcam for the money. The software is very easy to use as well. I'm very pleased with it and would recommend it.

Now, I need to practice my guitar...

War and Peace

After abruptly choosing to read The Great Gatsby, I've been strangely compelled to read more of the classics. Yesterday, I picked up Tolstoy's War and Peace. It's supposed to be one of the greatest novels ever written so how could I go wrong? At over 1400 pages, it's long. I'm afraid I will forget all of the my favorite parts so I thought I'd quote them here, as I find them. I'd be interested to hear opinions on the excerpts.

War and Peace, Tolstoy, Penguin Classics version.

Page 30, last paragraph. Prince Andrei Bolkonsky is speaking to his friend Pierre Bezuhov:

"Never, never marry, my dear fellow. That is my advice to you - don't marry until you can say to yourself that you have done all you are capable of doing, and until you cease to love the woman of your choice and see her plainly, as she really is; or else you will be making a cruel and irreparable mistake. Marry when you are old and good for nothing. Otherwise everything that is fine and noble in you will be thrown away. It will all be wasted on trifles. Yes, yes, yes! Don't look at me with such surprise. If you marry while you still have any hopes of yourself you will be made to feel at every step that for you all is over, every door closed but that of the drawing-room, where you will stand on the same level as the court lackey and the idiot... But what is the good?..."

I've heard speeches like this before, no less emphatic for their lack of artful construction. It's very sad to think people feel this way. Trapped in a commitment they made. How does one get to this point? How does one allow things to get to this point?

He's baaaack....

Alright, so I've been on hiatus. Much has changed since March of 2007: new house, new town...ok that's it. But that's pretty big. I still go to the gym but have decided to close that chapter of blogging. (Applause) That was more to just keep me at it (which it did, I still go almost every day). So what brings you back to blogging you ask? What else? Valentine's Day. Bane of my existance.

I don't know who invented Valentine's Day but they were sick. I mean really depraved. Here's how I see it -

For couples
It's basically one more opportunity to disappoint someone close to you. Think about it. Whatever is bought or planned is never quite right. It's too expensive. It's not expensive enough. It's not romantic. It's dirty. It's illegal in some states, the one you're in is one of them. Inevitably, someone's feelings are hurt and the whole day is a mess.

For singles
I'm not sure there is a worse day of the year for singles. Valentine's Day is the one day of the year the whole world gets together to remind you no one cares about you. Now that's fun! Getting something for someone and having them be disappointed is one thing, getting something for no one is just sad.

Inevitably, I'm left considering past relationships. Wondering if those were "the one." It's an agony that lasts from January 2nd through this Thursday, the unavoidable crescendo of torture. So yes, I am alone....for Valentine's Day. And I don't like it any more than I did the last three years.